How To Increase Your Influence
The more we add to the plate, the more distractions we have from our cell phone, cell phones to streaming to online activity, as well as getting us out with other people.
All of those demands and commitments can easily crowd out.
The very thing that you and I are trying to do as parents, and that is to influence our children. So what would you like? What would you think if I give you this one tool,
just this one thing to help you move and increase your influence over your children?
It’s not something that it’s simple checkoff list, it’s something that can become simple, but it does require some changes of habits. Habits, of disconnected and habits of being totally distracted with the things online and on our phone and the lack of eye contact and just keeping our calendar so filled with activities out of the house, projects in the house, all of these things.
If we can take a little piece back with this one thing that I’m gonna be sharing with you in this episode, you will see an increase in influence pretty quickly.
Now, I do go into more details on exactly how to do this inside Lasting Influence, which is the first level to Wholesome Influencers. So you can check that out.
But what I want to do is get you started today. I want you to wrap your mind around this new habit, this new thing that you’re going to make room for in your home.
I call it seized happy moments.
This is influenced by Charlotte Mason, my mentor, and when she was writing to homeschooling moms, there was so much wisdom that I found that totally changed our life beyond homeschooling.
It affected me and my parenting.
It affected our home really fast, and it’s this thing called seize happy moments.
What it means is when we’re seizing happy moments, when we are creating happiness within our home as a priority and we’re committed to ensuring that we’re having more and more of these happy moments in our home, what’s happening is our children’s hearts begin to open up to us. And in that opening, we’re able to seed one new idea through a heart to heart conversation, through just a simple conversation with no big agenda behind it.
And that’s the key.
We don’t wanna have this huge agenda where we have these talk points or we have key things. We’re just trying to connect heart to heart in these happy moments, and we’re gonna seize them because they’re things that are already happening.
Now, I don’t know about your home, but our home, everyone loves to be in the kitchen, and it’s not that everyone likes to do the cooking and the cleaning, but it seems like when one person is in the kitchen making a dish of some kind, there’s conversations around the kitchen, conversations around the table, conversations easily happen when there is a meal in front of you.
I want you to think about how you can seize this one area in your home, this ability to be able to seize this moment of opportunity where you can open up your children’s heart by making it a happy, what that means is you’re going to avoid any type of criticism.
You’re not going to tell them anything they may have forgotten or they haven’t done right or anything along that line.
You’re in this moment, you’re more of a friend than a parent in this moment.
You’re trying to connect their hearts by maybe talking about a conversation that’s dear to their hearts, just to get them in that position to open up.
And then you’re just thinking, what is it that I wanna instill in my child right now that they walk away and think about themselves in that moment?
You don’t wanna get too literal and too preachy or too intentional about list and demands and all this thing.
It’s a heart to heart like a friend to friend.
And if you think about that and you think about how many times you’ve had such a hard day and you sit down with a friend rather be on the phone or through text or over a coffee or over a meal. All of a sudden all the worries and stress just kind of get away and all of a sudden you can connect at a very deep level.
That’s what I want you to look for is this opportunity that you’re just imparting them.
One thought, one key thing.
And it might be as something as you know, maybe your child is feeling a lot of depression lately and they’re really having a hard time being negative.
Why not say, you know, I know you’re really struggling right now. You know what I see in you during this time that you’re struggling is I see that you’re not giving up. I see that you’re still trying hard, even though it’s difficult. I see that you are talking about it and not keeping it inside, which is so important to making sure that your mental health is good.
I see that you’re trying to laugh at things that oftentimes could get some people discouraged.
You just take that time showing them the good, and that alone will help them to recognize, you know what they understand they’re seeing me.
A lot of depression happens with people who just don’t feel seen. They just feel like the world is against them. And what you need to do is show them that they’re working hard and that you notice their efforts and then that very last thing you wanna do before you praise and stop the conversation and you point all these positives, then you wanting to say to them, you know what? I bet you if you could find three positive things in this situation, it will help you tomorrow.
So then take and say, what’s three things you can think of or five things, and think of the good things in that negative situation that has really closed their heart and caused a struggle.
We have used this time and time again, not only with our children, but with ourselves and with our spouse, is just helping us to see the positive. Because if we can find that silver lining around the cloud, our children will have more optimistic thoughts and it will help them be able to process more. So in that you’ve gained influence because you’ve connected the heart to heart conversation.
You let them know, I’m on your side, I see you, I understand you, and you seize this happy moment that is now opening their hearts.
Guess what’s gonna happen is next time the child is struggling, guess who they’re gonna go to… you. They’re going to then want to hear your words because you have now showed yourself a friend who loves it all times.
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